Save Me a Place

Have you ever asked someone to save you a place, a seat at some event because you are running late? It feels great to know that someone is saving you a place! When you arrive, they wave at you or text you to let you know where your seat is located. For many years, I have struggled with rejection, with feeling like I don't have a place, not knowing exactly where I belong or what role I need to play.

I think it began at a young age in my church's choir. I had been assigned my first solo in a song and had practiced all week. By the time the next rehearsal rolled around, I was ready. You can imagine my surprise and the pain I felt when, without even listening to me sing the part, the director carelessly told me another girl would do the solo. I was barely eight years old.

That story would repeat itself over and over throughout my life, so much that it affected the way I perceive myself and the way I often approach God: insufficient. The truth is none of us are "sufficient," which is why Jesus came to our rescue, but many of us struggle with the feeling of not being sufficiently talented, qualified, worthy of being loved, being called or used by God, etc. In my case, because I am an actress, this is something I deal with constantly. Every audition is an opportunity to either work, or be be rejected one more time. The heart grows weak and the enemy's voice keeps whispering, "You are not enough, there's no place for you."

Imagine waiting for God's intervention in your circumstances with that sense of insufficiency. Months go by and nothing. Before you know it, a year has passed, then two, three...imagine waiting for 12 years. That's how I visualize the woman with the bleeding condition. We don't even know her name, we refer to her by her condition! If anyone had a reason to feel insufficient, it was this woman. I can't imagine how horrible it must have been to suffer from this condition in those days, especially when you consider that the hygienic conditions were not like the ones we enjoy today. She had spent all her money on doctors, trying to find someone who could heal her, someone to help her remove the shame she lived with daily. Mark 5:26 says she had "suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors." Just think of the painful treatments she must have endured in her desperation.

She heard about Jesus and his miracles, but who was she for God to even look at her? Who could get her an appointment to speak with Jesus? Who would make way for her among the crowd? Her soul's longing kept her going, If I could just touch his clothes...that would be sufficient. As she made her way towards Jesus, another story intertwined with hers. This one also of 12 years, the story of a little girl. A girl that had her life ahead of her, but a sickness threatened to steal it all. Would Jesus' power be enough for her? Could her father, Jairus, convince Jesus to come see her?

Notice the difference between the woman and Jairus. Jairus, who was a leader in the synagogue, someone with a position of importance and esteemed by others, approaches Jesus from the front and falls at His feet. However, the woman came up "behind him" (v.27). She didn't even dare to come before Him! Such was the magnitude of her insufficiency.

In our waiting, in our sickness, our insufficiency, Jesus walks near. Do we dare to approach him, to ask, even if it's just for the crumbs that fall from the table? (Mark 7:28). Could there be a place for me?

Fighting the crowd, a desperate father drew near; he would do anything for his daughter. Moved to compassion, Jesus heads towards Jairus' house. Even though that must have made it seem even harder to reach, the woman persisted after Him. She made a way through the crowd, ignoring the humiliation and the pushing and shoving. She kept her focus on the mercy and power of Jesus, extended her hand and touched his cloak.

Healed! In an instant, 12 years became history. At last, her long awaited answer was here and a new beginning for her life. She probably thought her bold move would go unnoticed, but Jesus doesn't miss a beat. He realized power had gone out from him (v.30). He could have kept walking towards Jairus' house, but I think there was another healing he wanted to do. He turned towards the crowd and asked, "Who touched my clothes?" He wanted to expose the woman, he wanted to give her a place.

Mark tells us what happened in verse 33: "Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth." Did you notice? She had come from behind, but now Jesus called her in front of Him! He saved her a place. With his incomparable love, he gave her the value she so longed for, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering" (v.34). She came as a woman with a disease, but left as a daughter.

We don't know what happened to the woman after that day, but I imagine her life of insufficiencies was transformed. She knew herself loved, she understood that God was saving her a place all those years. A place with Jesus, a place where she found her liberty, salvation, and healing.

Jairus' daughter also found healing. In fact, resurrection, because she had died before Jesus got there! But Jesus' power brings life even in places of darkness and death. Where are you? Do you approach Jesus from behind, insufficient? Or do you come before Him, at his feet? In every place, in every circumstance, there is a place for those who draw near.

This is something I have to remind myself every time the enemy tells me, "You are not enough, God doesn't have plans for you, he doesn't really care about you, nobody does." I have to remind myself that there IS a place for me, a place bought by the blood of Jesus. He saves me a place, right at His feet. There I find my healing, there I find peace. With simply touching his clothes, with a mere glimpse of his altar, His sufficiency covers me.

Mark 5:21-43

I wrote this song a few weeks ago. It's in Spanish, so I include the translation below:

Save Me a Place

And I wait for you

In the silence of my bedroom, every night, I wait for you

Every sleepless night looks for its ending in your words, I yearn for you

And I seek you

In every star and in the moon I see your radiance, I seek you

I want to hear your voice in the laughter of my daughters, I love you

Chorus

Save me a corner in your presence

A glimpse of your altar

Save me a place at your table

just a piece of your bread and wine

Save me, save me a place

And I draw near

I tremble just to touch the hem of your cloak, I draw near

in an instant you can heal my wounds, I humble myself

And I give in,

my will and reasoning I will no longer enthrone, I give in

my thoughts are not enough, I can't understand, I surrender

Save me a corner in your presence

A glimpse of your altar

Save me a place at your table

just a piece of your bread and wine

Save me, save me a place

Bridge

Just a little bit of you is enough for me

It's your great majesty that sustains me

Save me a corner in your presence

A glimpse of your altar

Save me a place at your table

just a piece of your bread and wine

Save me, save me a place